


Uninvited

by ChElFi



Series: The Shape of Us [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain Hill - Freeform, Developing Relationship, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Post-Movie(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 19:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1660415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers was just her friend, right? A short story about Maria and Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I posted at FFN earlier this year. Posting it here to hopefully get further feedback...in regards to writing, not really interested if folks' negative opinions of this ship, ;) I'm pretty sold on it. I changed the title from the FFN post (Unexpected) because, um, I'm kinda dense and forgot the name of the Alanis Morissette song I was thinking of when I first posted the story. Obviously, with the advent of Captain America 2 (which I have still yet to see *whimper*), this is all A/U.

It had started out innocently enough, Maria Hill thought. They were just two people who had been through a hellish and unearthly experience, trying to find comfort in friendship. So how had she ended up on the threshold of her apartment, expectantly anticipating the feel of Steve Rogers' lips as he slowly lowered his face toward hers?

**_Two months earlier_ **

"Agent Hill," Maria stopped mid-stride in the SHIELD corridor and turned to see who had called after her.

She was surprised to see Steve Rogers walking briskly her way. When he stopped just two feet from her she quirked an eyebrow.

"What can I do for you, Captain?" She asked.

"Commander Fury said to report to you and let you know I'm ready to return to active duty," he said, his voice formal, commanding the respect she had watched him earn during the Manhattan Incident, as it was being called.

"You're back early from your leave," she told him, wondering why he'd returned even before Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff, who had been with SHIELD far longer than the Captain had been revived.

At her comment, he bowed his head sheepishly and shoved his hands into his pockets, causing her to remember that he was much younger, at least in his mind, than most around him suspected.

"Yeah, about that," he started, but Maria stiffened. She didn't want to hear a personal story about why he had returned. She wasn't Rogers' biggest fan after the way he'd treated Phil. And she hadn't risen through the ranks of SHIELD by acting as the staff psychologist.

She noticed the man falter in his composure for a moment as he picked up on her discomfort. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that a normal woman would have felt some level of guilt for having no desire to listen to someone's obviously serious troubles, but Maria had worked hard to not be a normal woman.

So when Rogers simply stated, "I really had nowhere else to go," Maria felt herself relax back to her usual level of high stress.

"I'll look for an assignment for you, Captain," she told him. "If that's what you'd like."

He shrugged noncommittally and Maria fought back the urge to roll her eyes. This was a military operation, not a day care. She didn't have time to kiss all the boo boos.

She turned her back to him to suggest he was dismissed and to continue to the control room where she'd been headed before Captain Rogers had caught her, when she heard him make an unusual request.

"I was wondering if we could maybe have dinner tonight."

Maria froze. Every nerve ending suddenly set on edge. She half expected to turn around and find he'd been talking to someone else. But when she did, she saw no one else near them.

"Why?" She asked without thinking. No one had uttered that phrase, in that tone of voice, to her in many years. For the first time in a very long time, Maria found herself caught off guard.

He pushed his toe against the floor and stared at it before he finally looked back up and answered.

"I'd just like to talk to you because," he paused a moment and Maria truly hoped this wasn't about to get soft and romantic. She had no time for such nonsense. The entire world had almost come to an end thanks to some not-so-mythological demi-god and a tribe of intergalactic warriors, she couldn't be supping over candle light and roses.

Rogers took a deep breath before he continued.

"Because you knew Agent Coulson," he finished in a rushed manner that surprised her.

A sudden tightness gripped Maria's chest and she had to swallow hard before her emotions pushed past the barriers she held before the world.

"I just," the Captain started but he stammered. "I should've."

Before she knew what she was doing, Maria reached out a hand and gently touched the super soldier on the arm.

"It's OK," she said softly. "I would love to tell you about Phil."

A look of relief came across Captain Rogers' face, along with a smile.

"Great," he said. "I'll pick you up at 8?"

"That would be good," she replied, then watched as he walked away with more of a spring to his step than he'd had earlier.

Maria turned to get back to work when she froze for the third time in the same spot.

'What have I just done?' She thought, and panic rose to her throat.

A quiet voice that she hadn't heard in years whispered in her head, 'I think you just kind of accepted a date with Captain America.'

And then, Maria was certain, she heard the voice laugh at her.

At 7:55 Maria looked herself over in the mirror. She had made sure to dress as professionally as possible without looking like she was going to work. She didn't want anyone, especially Captain Rogers, getting the wrong idea. She buttoned her black blazer over the front of her plain, white blouse, then turned to check the back of her skirt for any signs of her slip. Maria had debated for half an hour over whether she was going to wear a skirt or pants. Finally she chose a skirt based solely on a memory of Coulson from almost a decade earlier.

_Her mentor smiled a sad smile when they stopped at Maria's car. The funeral had ended nearly 30 minutes prior and Maria and Phil were the only two who had remained, only walking away from the graveside now because the cemetery workers had come to lower the casket into the ground. In the background now, they heard the sound of dirt hitting wood and Maria found herself uneasy with the emotion she saw flash across Coulson's face. She'd always thought of him as unflappable, though she'd only been working with him for a year and she had never seen him after a serious loss._

_"He really was an amazing man," he said, and Maria listened silently._

_Phill was her handler and her mentor and she had been told by Fury when she had come into SHIELD that she would do well to learn everything she could from the man. Listening to him had become second nature._

_"He taught me everything I know about being an agent," Coulson said, and Maria wondered, not for the first time, why he hadn't given the eulogy._

_"Cancer," Coulson practically spit the word. "All the times he faced down death at the hands of an enemy, and cancer takes him. The doctors couldn't even do anything. It just seems so wrong."_

_They returned to silence and stood, listening to the dirt sounds getting lighter and lighter as the hole was filled._

_Finally, Phil turned to her and said, "I'm glad you wore a skirt."_

_The surprise she felt at his statement must have shown on her face because he laughed slightly._

_"It made it feel less like work," he explained, and Maria nodded, as if she understood. Then she watched him turn and walk away._

Maria hadn't understood then. She didn't get that he wasn't saying, as most men did then, and might now if she'd wear skirts, that she had nice legs. He was telling her it made it feel more human, less like SHIELD.

She looked at herself suddenly, shocked by the moisture she felt and saw in her eyes. Grabbing up a tissue from the box she kept on her nightstand she daubed her eyes, taking care not to smudge her make-up.

'This is a huge mistake,' she thought to herself as she shook her head. 'I never should have agreed to go out with Rogers and talk about Phil.'

What was she going to say? 'He was a nice man?' And suddenly Maria's throat constricted with all the emotion she had suppressed since Hawkeye, her friend since she'd joined SHIELD, had pointed a gun at her with the intent to kill. Sinking to her knees she leaned on the bed and held her head in her hands as her body released all the feelings she'd tried to deny.

When there was a knock at her door a few minutes later she tried to pull herself together but one look in the mirror told her it was pointless. She went to the door and talked through it to Steve.

"I can't go out with you tonight," she said.

"Maria, is everything OK?" his voice resonated with concern which only encouraged Maria's long repressed emotions.

"I just," she tried to think of a non-emotional excuse that would turn him away without being rude, but her mind was too filled with turmoil to think clearly.

'This is why I stuff all this,' she thought, and cursed herself for allowing any weakness, even in private.

"Will you let me in?" his voice was soft and made her heart want to trust. It had been a long time since she'd trusted.

Then, without thinking, just like earlier in the corridor, Maria opened the door for him.

She wiped her nose with her tissue as she closed the door behind him.

He stared at her, though not impolitely.

"I'm sorry. This is very unprofessional," she said as she waved to indicate her face which she knew was a mess from her tears.

"We're not at work," was all he said, but it was enough to swell the emotions again.

She walked toward the kitchenette and offered him a drink to give herself something to do besides break down like a child. She had always had a disdain for emotions, long before she joined SHIELD. She'd watched her mother drown in them, chasing after every man who lied to her about love, and ultimately finding more comfort in the bottle and taking out her anger and frustration on her daughter. Maria had promised herself that she'd never be like that, and she had succeeded, until tonight.

She handed a bottle of beer to Captain Rogers and offered him a seat at her small table. The little piece of wood between them gave her a sense of protection she didn't think she'd have sitting next to him on her couch. Maria didn't entertain much. On the rare occasions she had people over, it was usually just for an hour or two and usually just one or two people. Like most people who opted to live in NYC, where space was at a premium, her 400 sq ft apartment wasn't as spread out as a person with as thick emotional walls as she would like.

They sat in silence as they drank and Maria worked to regain control of her emotions.

Finally, Rogers broke the silence.

"How long did you know Agent Coulson?" he asked.

It seemed so cold to hear someone call Phil that now, though it never bothered her before tonight. Before, it had provided her with a sense of detachment. But hearing it from Captain America, whom Phil had idolized his entire life, was wrong, and Maria felt that he'd want her to rectify it.

"Call him Phil," she said. "He would have liked that from you."

A flash of guilt shot across her guest's face and he did not try to hide it.

"He wanted me to sign his trading cards," Steve said quietly.

Maria nodded.

"He told me about you when I was just a rookie," she told him, smiling softly at the memory.

"Yeah?" Rogers asked, encouraging her to say more. She knew enough about him, everything Phil knew, and her own experiences now as well, to know he wasn't looking for an ego stroke like most people.

Nodding she told him, "I made the mistake of asking him why he'd signed on with SHIELD."

She laughed slightly as she recalled the look of reverence on Phil's face as she told her all about the exploits of his childhood hero.

"He joined SHIELD because of me?"

Maria looked up and saw that that the effect of her inference on Steve was not what she'd expected. She hadn't expected him to be prideful about it, but she certainly hadn't expected his look of guilt to become even more pronounced.

She groaned inwardly, current emotional outburst aside, she was no good at comforting others. She never knew the right words. She wondered now if anyone at SHIELD did.

She decided to keep it professional and hoped it helped, and didn't sound like a canned statement from the Council.

"He didn't regret it," she told him, hoping the conviction in her voice helped him believe her.

"How do you know?" Steve replied, a slight challenge in his voice in return.

"Because I knew Phil," she said, slightly offended that anyone would doubt that her mentor's last breath would not have been taken in pride at the service he'd rendered not just to his country and friends but, in Maria's opinion, the world.

"He believed in what he was doing," she went on, her voice taking on more of a tone of pride the longer she spoke. "He might not always agree with the Council, or even Fury, he might have gone against a few orders in his time, but he believed that everything SHIELD did would help make our country stronger, and the world safer."

When she finished she sat up straighter in her chair and held up her chin. Her out of control emotions pushed back out of view as she thought of how much SHIELD meant to Phil.

Looking across at Steve again she saw the guilt had mostly dissipated and a smile had graced his boyish face.

"You really loved him," he commented.

"Not in the romantic sense," she corrected.

He just nodded and they lapsed into silence again before Maria finally answered his first question.

"Phil recruited me nearly ten years ago," her sigh one of sadness.

Steve looked at her and she could see his attention was fully on her. How different from when he came aboard the helicarrier barely more than a month ago. Back then he was so distracted and out of focus that he seemed to her more a snob than the great patriot Phil had played him up to be. She had surprised herself at the anger she had felt as she watched her mentor attempt to make conversation with his life-long hero only to be brushed off as if he was a bother. She'd wanted to pull the so-called super soldier aside and let him know just who it was he was snubbing, but it wasn't her place. Later, Steve had proved himself when needed and Phil had always told her that was when you saw a person's true self. She wasn't sure she agreed but she had been willing after the battle to give Rogers a second chance if only for Phil's sake.

"It was a fluke, really," she continued, pulling herself out of her memories. "I was 18 and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

"I had enrolled in a few classes at the community college, got a job at a burger place near campus, and, spent all of my free time partying," Maria shook her head as she thought of her younger, very foolish self.

"Also nearby was a martial arts studio and the students and senseis would stop in before and after classes. A co-worker developed a crush on one of the senseis and begged me to take a class with her.

"I figured it would be good a way to meet more guys," she shrugged. "So I went along.

"Turned out I was a natural. It gave me a sense of focus. I took more classes at the studio and really started to work hard at school. I still had no idea what I wanted to major in, but school was no longer something I did between parties.

"In fact," she added. "I finally quit partying altogether because it just seemed like a waste of time I could be using to study or work out.

"It also turned out that one of the senseis was retired SHIELD and one day I got a visit by a non-descript, grey-suited man with a receding hairline," Maria felt herself break into a wide smile at her first impression of Agent Phil Coulson. Continuing to dismiss him early on was yet another thing on which she'd wasted time.

"He asked if I wanted to use the training I'd had at the studio for good, and for a free education," she chuckled slightly. "I think it was the phrase 'free education' that caught my attention.

"But once I got into SHIELD and went through the training and finished my degree, I knew it was exactly where I belonged," she finished and leaned over to pick up Steve's empty bottle and put it in the recycle bin.

"Another?" she queried.

"No thanks," he told her, shaking his head. "Apparently alcohol is a depressant."

Maria stared at him a moment until she realized that no one would have known that in his former life so this was, indeed, news to him.

Busying herself in the lull, she turned and picked up the tea pot off the tiny range then began to fill it with water. Setting it back on the burner, she turned the knob to heat the water for tea.

She sat back down at the table and Steve re-started the conversation.

"So Phil recruited you, was he your handler as well?"

Maria nodded.

"I was still pretty full of myself back then," she conceded. "I had no idea what he was capable of, I thought he was just some desk jockey bossing me around."

Steve gave her a surprised look.

"What?" she asked.

"I guess," Steve paused for a moment and took a breath, as if he was trying to find the right word.

Finally, he went on.

"I thought I was the only idiot who'd ever done that," he said, and bowed his head sadly.

Maria gave a hearty laugh and Steve gave her another surprised look.

"No, Captain," she said, slightly breathless after her laughing fit. "That's part of Phil's charm and mystique. Everyone underestimates him, if they even notice him."

Shaking her head and laughing more at all the memories that suddenly rushed through her mind she said, "I could tell you stories."

"Would you?" Rogers' obvious enthusiasm surprised Maria and she thought he looked then the way she had always imagined Phil looked when asking his dad about the time he met Captain America.

Suddenly, the pain from earlier returned, and she choked back her tears.

"If it's too soon, I understand," Steve told her and reached across the small table to take her hand in his.

It was warm and comforting. Maria couldn't remember the last time anyone held her hand. She stared at their joined hands a moment, then smiled up at him and gave his hand a squeeze.

"No," she assured him. "I'd like to tell you."

She sighed and leaned back in her chair, but didn't let go of his hand.

"I've just never lost anyone I was that close to before," she admitted. "I don't know how to handle it."

"It's not easy," he said in a reassuring voice, and Maria knew he understood.

They smiled at each other for a moment and Maria thought that he had a very nice smile. In his eyes she saw sympathy and more than a little survivor's guilt. He reminded her right then of Phil. He had been one of the few people she'd known at SHIELD who'd remained mostly human despite being married to the job. She and Fury certainly lost that trait years ago, and while Clint and Natasha probably understood and loved each other, they mostly avoided closeness with other people.

She felt Steve begin to rub his thumb across her knuckles and she slowly relaxed. Just as her mind started to register that she was having an unusual reaction to the situation, the tea kettle announced it had achieved its goal, causing Maria to jump, pulling her hand from Steve's, and laughing nervously with him.

Rising to prepare the tea, Maria deflected the awkward moment by telling Steve how she had treated Phil at the beginning of her work as an agent, and how Fury had to finally call her out with a serious reprimand. When she finished her story, they were both drinking their tea at the table and having a good laugh at Maria's expense.

They finished their drinks in silence, both lost in thought. Maria's were of the distant past; Steve's, Maria was fairly certain, were of more recent events.

"I was a huge disappointment to him," Steve finally said, validating Maria's suspicions as to where his thoughts were.

Maria wanted to say something to make Steve feel better, but the truth was she agreed with him. She couldn't imagine idolizing someone your whole life, finally meeting him, and having him completely blow you off the way Steve had Phil.

"I was so angry with the turn of events that, honestly, I wished I had been left in the ice," he confessed. "That, and I hated those trading cards."

Maria shot him a quizzical look.

"They reminded me of everything that was wrong with the super soldier program in the first place," he told her.

"They turned me into nothing more than a freak sideshow at a circus," he explained. "While the intent of the original doctor might have been for me to fight the Nazis, the intent of the government was to use me as a sort of mascot.

"It was humiliating and degrading," he finished with frustration evident in his voice. "I had signed up to fight for my country and they had me posing for photo ops."

"I didn't know," Maria said. "I wonder if Phil did."

"I don't know," Steve said. "Either way, it doesn't excuse my behavior."

He shook his head.

"I can't remember ever behaving so selfishly. My parents would have been ashamed."

They lapsed into another round of silence as Steve stewed over his behavior and Maria started to realize the depth of the regret the man before her had over his treatment of just one person, one whom Maria had cared for deeply. There weren't a lot of people, the loss of whom Maria would mourn: No one in her life prior to SHIELD, and few within SHIELD. It touched her that Steve was the type of person who didn't just shrug off what he'd done, but she also realized that if he stayed this course, and she had been dealing with brooding agents like Clint Barton for years, he could get stuck in his downward spiral and be very difficult to help. Phil never allowed that. He'd always been right there for Barton, and Barton for Romanoff, the latter two in their own bizarre way. But Maria had never really cared for that end as a handler and Phil had always encouraged her to work her way out of that position because it didn't suit her at all.

Now, here she was years later, in her own apartment, of all places, trying to figure out how to do what seemed to come naturally to Phil. She was terrified how badly this could end, but she tried to think of how Phil handled Barton's regrets. Sure, they were bigger, Steve had probably never murdered anyone in cold blood, but she must have noticed something Phil had done. She'd been watching him closely after all.

Finally she settled on something and prayed she wouldn't screw it up too badly.

"Why did you come back so early from leave?" she asked. She caught herself before she added that Fury would have liked the lot of them to hide out from the council longer and patted herself mentally on the back for one point.

Steve looked up and offered her a lopsided grin.

"I went to see an old friend," he said.

Now it was Maria's turn to be surprised.

"You found some still alive?" she smiled, then outwardly cringed as she realized how bad that sounded.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

He only shook his head.

"It's OK," he assured her. "I liked how happy that made you. It would have made me even happier.

"You have a really nice smile," he said sincerely.

Maria couldn't be certain, but from the feel of the heat rising to her face, she worried that maybe she was blushing. But if she was, Rogers didn't acknowledge it in any way. He just smiled and went on with his story.

"I liked a girl back during the war," he said. "Her name was Peggy."

He sighed wistfully and Maria quietly waited for him to continue.

"Fury looked her up for me after I'd been awake for a while," he said and leaned forward in his chair but dropped his head as if to look at his tea cup.

"I just wanted to know, you know, what had happened to her," when he looked up, Maria saw the moisture in his eyes. She wondered if he was going to cry, but then chastised herself for fearing it since she'd been a complete mess when he'd arrived and he hadn't even batted an eye.

But no tears fell and, after taking a deep breath, he continued.

"I loved her, you know."

He smiled at Maria and added, "In a romantic way."

Maria laughed slightly at that and felt herself begin to relax again.

"She had moved to the states back in the 50's, but she died in '85," he said, a sad look coming to his face.

"I went to Pennsylvania, to her grave," his voice cracked slightly, but he controlled his emotions. "Visited every day until I realized that if I didn't leave, I'd probably go mad and an insane super soldier might be more than the world could handle right now."

Maria looked at him and realized that, while to most people it would have sounded like he was trying to make light of the situation, he was deadly serious. She reached across the table this time and took his hand in hers.

It was far past midnight when Steve left the small apartment. They had talked about Phil, and even Clint and Natasha; they talked about the war and Steve's old friends and family and neighborhood, what growing up in New York had been like back then. They ordered pizza and when it arrived they decided the couch would be far more comfortable than the plastic chairs in the kitchenette. They had occasionally touched each other on the arm or held the others hand. And Maria felt far more up human than she had ever felt in her life. Which made for a good excuse later when she was asking herself why she agreed to visit Steve's old neighborhood with him on her next day off.


	2. Chapter 2

Maria shook her head, not for the first time since she'd boarded the Hellicarrier two weeks ago, as another person inferred more than friendship between herself and Captain Rogers. This time, though, it was more difficult to brush off, as it was Jasper Sitwell doing the inferring.

"You have to admit it looks that way, Maria," he said across coffee in the nearly deserted mess hall.

She scoffed.

"A few times we hang out and now we're what?" she asked. "Practically engaged?"

"Maria," Jasper lowered his voice so it wouldn't echo through the room. "When people ask where you are, the joke is that if they can find Captain America, they'll find you."

Maria opened her mouth to retort, but she bit her tongue. Jasper was only trying to help. Anyone else would have allowed her to remain oblivious.

They sat in silence and finished their coffee before Jasper rose to return to work. He opened the door to the hall and discovered Rogers reaching to do the same from the other side. Sitwell turned and gave Maria a knowing look.

Steve greeted Jasper and held the door for him, then stepped in and walked toward the refrigerator to pull out a couple of chocolate milks. He paid the cashier and walked to the table where Maria sat watching him and handed her one of the milks.

"Better for you," he smiled, and Maria noticed for the first time that his smile evoked an unusual feeling in her.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, pointing to the seat Sitwell had just vacated.

"What?" Maria pulled herself from her thoughts. "Oh, of course, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Steve assured her as he sat and opened his drink.

He took a large gulp and set the container on the table. His tongue came out to lick the chocolate off his upper lip and Maria felt her face grow warm.

"Is everything OK?" Steve asked, concern in his voice and on his face.

"Um, yeah," she smiled her best fake smile.

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Not really," he told her. "At least not with that look."

"What do you mean?" Maria asked, though she had a bad feeling she already knew.

"That's you're 'I'm-pretending-everything's-ok-because-I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it' smile," he said and gave her a far more knowing look than Sitwell had.

Maria was certain her heart stopped. One month, it had been only one month since they'd spent that night reminiscing and mourning their losses, and he could already read her.

That annoying little voice reminded her that it was most likely because she was spending all her spare time enjoying his company.

She didn't 'enjoy' his company, she argued back. They were just friends.

'Yeah, whatever,' the voice said. 'You keep telling yourself that. I'm sure it'll make it true some day.'

She felt the panic rise to her throat and it obviously showed on her face because Steve leaned over and took her hand.

"It's ice cold, Maria," he said, looking at their joined hands, his concern evident. "Are you feeling OK?"

He'd given her an out and she pounced on it.

Snatching her hand from his, she shook her head, then rose and crossed the floor quickly to the women's restroom. Once inside, she headed for the nearest sink and turned on the cold water. Despite her ice cold hands, her body felt flush. If they sent her to medical and took her temperature, though, Maria was sure they'd find it completely normal. Her physical "illness" was purely mental.

Splashing some water on her face, she stared herself down in the mirror and gave herself a look that said she was not going to do this. She'd worked long and hard to get where she was and she was not going to turn into an emotional puddle just because some idiots at work didn't have enough to gossip about. And she definitely wasn't going to turn into her mother over Steve Rogers.

'You're mother?' the little voice said sarcastically. 'That's your defense strategy?'

'She ruined her life, our lives, by falling for every idiot who came along and promised her love,' Maria argued back.

'And these idiots were all like Steve?'

'That's not the point,' she groused mentally.

'Then what is the point?'

Maria just shook her head at herself and reached over to pull some paper towels out. She moistened them with the cold water, squeezed out the excess, then placed the poultice on the back of her neck. Closing her eyes for a moment, a memory of Steve rubbing her shoulders after a stressful day, a few nights ago in her quarters, flashed through her mind. Her eyes shot open.

What was she thinking? She and Rogers were just friends. She couldn't have more. She didn't even want more.

Straightening herself up, she tossed the towels into the trash, took a deep breath and giving one last forceful look at herself in the mirror, she turned to return to work.

Not surprisingly, Steve was waiting for her, sitting at the table nearest the bathroom. His head shot up at the sound of the opening door. The worried look on his face was almost enough to shake her resolve.

He stood and stepped toward her.

"Are you alright?" he said and held out his hand to touch her arm.

But Maria stiffened and he stopped his movement, then lowered his hand to his side.

"I'm fine," she said, far more curtly than necessary. "I need to get back to work now."

She pivoted on her heel quickly and walked to the door. She didn't look back as she exited. She had already seen the hurt and confusion on his face at her words. She was afraid if she looked back she'd do something stupid, like run to him and beg his forgiveness.

'Stupid?!' the voice screamed.

But Maria shut it down before it caused her to second guess her decision. Distance. She needed to put a whole lot of distance between herself and Rogers.

Detouring from the bridge, Maria made her way down the hall to where she knew her superior would be. Surely her talents were wasted here on the Hellicarrier. They were at skeleton crew while the repairs from Loki's assault were being made, she and Fury needn't both be here.

Arriving, she walked through the front part of his offices. The rooms were mostly empty. Fury had left the majority of his support staff at base. She walked past the lone woman working directly outside their commander's office, the two nodding at each other in silent acknowledgement before Maria turned the knob on the inner office and entered.

Commander Nick Fury was seated at his desk in front of a small computer console and raised his hand in indication for her to wait. He finished reading whatever document was on his screen and looked up. There was an unusual slight smile on his face and Maria had the rare feeling that he was smiling at her.

"Come in Agent Hill," he said, then pointed at a seat across the desk, indicating he wanted her to sit for their conversation.

Maria didn't think their talk would take long enough to warrant sitting but she did not disobey.

"What can I do for you, Agent?" Fury asked, and Maria was surprised by his friendliness. In her experience, things didn't bode well for her.

"Sir," she began, sitting straight in her chair. "I request to be sent back to base."

Fury quirked an eyebrow at her, but she plowed forward, ignoring her growing concern.

"There is minimal work for the two of us here," she said. "It seems that one of us is wasting our time."

He nodded, assenting his agreement but Maria had a feeling his answer was not going to be the one she wanted.

"Agreed," he said, leaning back into his chair. "I'll write the orders for you and Rogers to fly back to base first thing in the morning."

"Rogers?" Maria said, and hoped the word didn't sounded as strangled aloud as it did in her mind.

"Well, of course," Fury said, as if the reason should be obvious.

When she returned his stare with a blank look he explained, "I only ordered him here because you were needed here until I could free myself up from some other business I was attending."

Maria swallowed, and she was embarrassed that it was most likely audible. If Fury was aware of her discomfort, he made no outward acknowledgement.

"You've been doing a wonderful job helping Rogers acclimate to modern life," Fury said, giving her an approving nod, though she wasn't sure why.

She couldn't help the questioning look that flashed across her face as Fury stood and continued with his accolades of her 'work.'

"I'd been trying to help him along but I have been pulled in too many directions and I appreciate you picking up the slack."

The more Fury talked, the more confused Maria became.

When he patted her on the shoulder she was even more concerned. She had a feeling she'd just walked into an episode of The Twilight Zone. But when he squeezed a little tighter she knew there was a hidden message. She turned to face him, his face was its usual stoic mask.

She tried to return the look as she asked, "Do you mean?"

But a Fury cut her off.

"I mean exactly what I said, and I hope it's not getting in the way of your other work," he added.

"Your assessment of time wasted is accurate. Both you and Rogers will do better back on base and in the city."

Maria simply nodded as if she understood the man now.

"The Hellicarrier is too isolated, Rogers needs to be around more of modern life."

Fury was quiet for a moment and Maria knew that was her cue of dismissal.

Standing, she said, "Thank you, sir."

As she left, the gravity of her conversation with Fury began to hit her. Someone must be monitoring his office, at the very least. It wouldn't be the first time, and she suspected it was someone on the Counsel. She wondered if he thought they were after Steve and that's why he was sending him home with her with the unspoken command to keep him close. Shaking her head she returned to the bridge to monitor the progress the techs were having there.

Thinking on the conversation, Maria realized that Fury had also given her an excuse to give to others about why she and Rogers were spending so much time together. The more she thought about it, the better it sounded. The next time someone bugged her about it she'd tell them that the only reason they were together so much was that she was under orders from Fury to help him acclimate.

Steve's face, with its earlier look of pain and confusion, flashed through her mind.

'That's all the excuse would cause,' she thought.

It didn't really matter, now. If Steve was in danger, there was no way she would let him out of her sight for long. Though, why she needed to protect a super soldier she wasn't sure. Maybe it was an enemy she knew but Rogers didn't.

Her contemplations were interrupted by a com call in the control room and she got back to work, spending her day busily directing the rebuilding efforts on most of the ship.

It wasn't until she finally realized, around nine that night, that she'd forgotten dinner, again, that she noticed she hadn't seen Steve since their interaction in the mess hall earlier. Every one of her senses were immediately on alert. She was about to ask the agent she was working with if he'd seen the Captain, but thought better of it. Things were already bad enough. Hopefully he had just been busy with work.

Declaring her need for sustenance and sleep, Maria left the bridge in the hands of another crewman and went to search for Steve. She stopped by their usual haunts, cringing inwardly at the thought that the two of them had such things, but he was nowhere to be found. Hoping he'd retired to his quarters for the evening, she took the lift to the sleeping level and stepped out just in time to see him opening his door.

"Steve," she called to him.

He took a moment to turn around to face her, which was odd enough, but the look on his face when he did caught her up short.

"Yes, Agent Hill," he said, his voice sounding slightly exasperated, as if she was troubling him, and the look on his face was one of weariness.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

She reached to touch his arm, out of habit, but Steve just looked at her hand as if she was very much out of line for touching him.

Shocked at his cold demeanor, Maria removed her hand and stared up at him. Gone was the usual way he looked at her, the smile he always had for her; in its place was a look of indifference. It shook Maria to her very core though she couldn't have explained why at the time.

"Look," she said, grasping for some reason he was acting this way. "I'm sorry about earlier.

"I just," she wanted to make something up, but she had learned over the past month that lying to Steve Rogers really wasn't an option for her. She didn't know why, but she couldn't look him in the eye and even tell him a half-truth.

"I was stupid," she finally sighed. "People have been bugging me about, well, us.

"I've been trying to tell them we're just friends," she continued, but faltered when she saw the intense emotion that flashed through his eyes. It was gone before she could identify it.

"Is that what we are?" he asked, his voice had an edge that made Maria uncomfortable.

"Of course," she told him, while she fought the urge to reach over and take his hand in hers. She didn't want to see that look again.

"If you say so," he said, in the same cold voice, then turned back toward the door. "I'm tired, I need to get some sleep before we go back to base in the morning."

With that dismissal, he went into his room without so much as a backwards glance at her.

As Maria dragged back to her own room, she tried to figure out what had happened with Steve. She'd been honest with him about what happened earlier, she'd apologized for her behavior. Why was he still angry with her, and, more importantly, why did it hurt so much?

Maria was usually a very neat and precise person, but when she entered her room this night, she scattered her uniform on the floor and fell in to bed without putting on her pajamas. Curling up under the cold, military blankets, in the cold, military bed, she worked to stave off the sudden sense of loss that was threatening to consume her.

Was one mistake all it took for a person to change his feelings, more specifically, for Steve to change his feelings? Maria replayed in her head everything that had happened in the mess hall. Then she made a check list of what she did afterwards. Had she waited too long to go to him and apologize?

Her mind rushed over the past month, looking for some indication that Steve would overreact to something seemingly so small. Their trips to his old neighborhood where he told her what each store front was, showed her his old apartment, talked about his family and friends. The look of loss so deep sometimes that Maria feared he would be consumed by it.

Then he wanted to see her neighborhood, hear about her family. That was more difficult for her, but she gave him a cursory view and he made a comment about how life seemed to have become so much more cruel over the past near century since he'd been gone. That night he had touched her face and told her that he didn't think he could ever stand finding out that someone was being that horrible to her again.

He had wanted to know a little about each of the other Avengers, and that had bothered him more, especially the relationship between Tony Stark and his father, whom Steve had known personally. He finally had to stop her from saying more about the suffering of his fellow teammates. Maria could see that it had affected him deeply, and he had hardly learned anything.

They had sat in Central Park on a Sunday and he had brought out his sketch book and drawn the people and the places. Maria had relaxed so that she fell into a deep sleep right on the blanket next to him. When she awoke, he was smiling down at her. Turning his sketchbook he showed her the drawing he'd made of her sleeping then joked that she could pin it on her wall to remind her to do more of it. That time was her turn to be deeply moved. She had no idea it would feel so intimate to have someone draw a picture of her. She hadn't pinned it on her wall, she had gone to a frame shop she passed on the way to work each day and had it framed. She'd intended to hang it up, but then felt presumptuous, and put it inside her closet.

Could someone like that, who felt and cared so deeply for others, simply turn on her because of one mistake?

Sighing, and turning over for the hundredth time, trying to find a position she could fall to sleep in, she reminded herself that this was why she didn't bother with relational entanglements of any kind. The closest thing to a healthy relationship she'd ever known was her friendship with Phil, and now he was gone. She'd started to open herself to Steve, wanting something to fill that void her friend had left, but Steve was not Phil, and now that was obvious.

Finally, at 0300, Maria realized she'd never sleep. Between the look on Steve's face replaying in her mind, and the question of how on earth she was supposed to keep an eye on him now that he apparently didn't want anything to do with her, her mind was on overdrive.

Rising, she picked up her scattered clothes, then dressed in sweats and a T-shirt, and went down to the gym. She could have worked out a little in her quarters, but she wanted to be able to push herself and hopefully relieve some of the stress she was building up.

She could hear Steve before she even entered the gym. His methodical hits against the bag started to sooth her nerves and bring a smile to her face as she thought of the many other nights they'd met up like this due to their insomnia. But then she reminded herself that there would be no welcoming smile when she walked in this morning. The chill from last night she still felt in her heart. It felt, for a moment, as if the pain would be too much to bear and that she would finally know what a real broken heart was like, when she remembered who she was and what was expected of her.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the gym with a slam of the door. She decided that, since Fury apparently thought Rogers' safety depended on them at least being together most of the time, she was going to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with the man.

Steve looked up as she walked in, grimaced, then turned back to his workout.

Maria shook off the pain his brush off caused her.

"No 'hello,' or, 'good morning?'" she quipped, her tone matching her frustration. "Your parents would be very disappointed."

She knew that would trigger a reaction, and Steve didn't disappoint. One point for Hill knowing Rogers as well as he knew her.

"You have a lot of nerve," he practically growled at her as he stalked over to where she was standing.

"I do," she smirked.

He looked like he wanted to say something, or maybe even start something, but he jerked his head away and his body followed, as he went back to the punching bag.

"Back to the old 'I can't fight a girl,' attitude, huh?" she said, and she walked to the other side of the punching bag so he'd either have to stop or cause it to hit her.

He stopped and stared at her as he held the bag still. His look had turned to one of anger, instead of his earlier cold contempt, so Maria figured she was starting to get somewhere. If she could just push a few more buttons.

"Too noble, again?" she openly taunted him.

"Why are you trying to start something?" he barked.

"Why are you acting like a complete jackass?" she raised her voice so it was a little louder than his, hoping to escalate things.

Steve clenched his jaw, and Maria thought that if she was a man, he might have made a swing for her. His wrath rolled off him in waves now and Maria let it carry her along.

"I am not acting," Steve tried to start, but Maria cut him off.

"Really?" she jibed, the sarcasm evident in her voice. "So this really is your regular personality? You weren't faking it for Coulson."

She smiled inwardly when she saw she had finally pushed him over. If he'd been Dr. Banner he'd be turning green right about now. Outwardly, she regarded him coolly, waiting for him to completely break.

Maria had felt from the beginning of their friendship that there was something dark waiting inside, something that 70 years on ice had created. She'd tried to channel it into physical activity, sparring, running, weights, anything that would help him work out his pain. Now she was going to try to use it to her advantage, and she hoped his natural personality would win in any internal struggle over how far to take his aggressions.

Steve walked up to her and used his height to force her to lean back to look at his face.

"Was any of that even real?" he demanded in a voice she'd never heard from him.

"What?" she asked, confused about what he was questioning.

"Was it all contrived to 'help me acclimate?'" he asked, stepping into her space and forcing her to take steps to back away from him.

When she didn't answer by the time he had her at the wall, he pushed her up against it by her shoulders and screamed in her face.

"Answer me!"

"How did you know about that?" she asked.

Steve's anger suddenly deflated, the pain the filled his face would have crushed her if she didn't know how much was riding on her success.

He shook his head and slowly turned away from her. His shoulders were stooped. He looked broken. Maria wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She had to stop him somehow and make him listen to her.

Steve was walking toward the doors to leave the gym when Maria's mind shifted back into gear.

"How could you know about that when Fury only told me today?" she called after him.

He stopped in his tracks and Maria held her breath.

He slowly turned back to face her. Maria let her defenses fall somewhat so he could see her own confusion.

"So Fury set this all up?" he asked, his voice as quiet as she'd ever heard him speak. "All of this, Coulson, you, it was all his idea?"

Now Maria was genuinely confused and made sure to show it on her face.

"Steve," she said softly, though she didn't dare to take a step toward him for fear she'd break the moment. "I really don't know what you think Phil and I did."

The look he gave her bore into her and she could tell he was looking for some sign of deceit. Finally, he must have found whatever he wanted, because he turned and sat down at the end of one of the benches. Maria pushed away from the wall and softly walked over and sat down at the opposite end.

They remained there, in silence, for some time. Not the comfortable silence they'd had with each other from the beginning, but a painful, waiting silence. Maria, who had been trained to be patient, found it difficult to wait for Steve to put his anger into words. She wished he'd have chosen to spar, not talk, to work it out, but she knew that wasn't his way.

"There was another agent here earlier," he started. "After I saw you in the mess hall.

"She needed me to spot her," he explained.

That didn't surprise Maria, who fought the desire to roll her eyes and shake her head. Every woman on this ship wanted that, and more, with Captain America, but Steve was too innocent to see it. However, the surge of jealousy that rushed through her at the prospect of him with another woman did surprise and shock her, and she fought it down, making a mental note to deal with her foolishness later.

"I helped her for a while, and we started to talk," he continued.

"When she was done, she asked if I'd like to go out with her tomorrow night, and I told her we had orders to return to base tomorrow, and then," Steve stopped, the words seemed to get stuck in his throat.

He dropped his head to his hands and rested it there. Then he shook it and turned to her.

"I'm sorry," he said, pain and guilt evident in his eyes. "I should have come to you and asked. I shouldn't have just assumed."

Maria shook her head at him in confusion.

"Assumed what?" she asked.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Steve turned his body so he straddled the bench and could look straight at her.

"She called you my 'nanny,'" Steve said. "And when I asked her what she meant, she told me that you were assigned to help me get better adjusted to modern life."

Maria's eyebrows shot up and her mind went into agent mode.

"Who?" she asked.

When Steve gave her a questioning look she asked him again.

"Um, her name's Stella, Stella Ward," he replied. "Why does it matter?"

Maria sighed and hoped the only places people were bugging were areas Fury frequented. To be more cautious, though, she moved closer on the bench to Steve and lowered her voice.

"Fury made up that story," she informed him. "I guess because we've been, well, spending time together."

She found it hard to get out the last words as a realization hit her, about another feeling she had for him that she had to squelch before things got out of control.

"But why make up the story at all?" Steve questioned.

"He couldn't tell me, because, I suspect, he's being monitored," Maria sighed before continuing.

"I do know that he wanted all of the Avengers to stay away from SHIELD for a while," she told him. "He was trying to work damage control."

"I came back too soon," Steve commented.

Maria nodded.

"I think he's just concerned that someone on the council might try something," she said.

Steve looked at her in surprise, but Maria just nodded in reply to his unspoken question. 'Yes, the council would do something like that.'

"He's mostly worried about Barton," she went on. "There's a lot of animosity toward him even within the ranks."

"Barton more than proved himself during the battle," Steve said, sounding incensed that anyone would doubt Hawkeye's loyalty.

Maria smiled. Steve was a soldier, through and through. Politics meant nothing to him. It was one of the things she really. Maria stopped herself before she could think further. Her feelings for Steve had to be brought under control. They were nothing more than the product of, well, something that had nothing to do with long term reality.

"So what does he think the council will do?" Steve asked her, breaking Maria out of her thoughts.

She shook her head.

"I'm not sure," she told him. "I just know he wants me to stick close to you."

He smiled an unsure smile at her.

"That's not such a bad thing, is it?" he asked, and reached out to her, rubbing the top of her arm with the back of his hand.

It was something he'd done many times over the past month, but it had never affected Maria the way it did now. She fought back the panic that threatened her, but not before it showed briefly on her face. Steve faltered a moment and lowered his hand, along with his head.

"I'm sorry," he said, then raised his face to look her in the eye. "I was so stupid. I should have come to you, not listened to someone I hardly know."

"It's OK," Maria said, not to let him off the hook, but because she really meant it. They were OK now, and, for some reason, that was the more important thing.

"No, it's not," he said. "You have been my friend and I treated you as if I never trusted you."

Maria turned and lifted her leg over the bench so that she too straddled it. She moved close enough that her knees touched his then she reached for both his hands with hers.

"Everything's probably very confusing to you right now," she said. "I can't even imagine going through what you've been through and even being able to function."

"Doesn't excuse me," he said.

Maria sighed and conceded internally that this was a disagreement she wasn't going to win.

"I need to trust the people who have proven themselves to me," he continued. "The other Avengers, Sitwell, you."

He ended the list there and Maria smiled as she stifled a laugh.

"Not Fury?" she managed to get out.

Steve smiled and laughed lightly as well.

"I'm working on that."

"Takes a while," she said. "He's pretty closed. But he's loyal to his people, to a fault, actually."

"I'll take your word for it, for now," he replied. Then he lowered his head and stared at their joined hands.

She gave them a squeeze and leaned her head to rest against his. Realizing they both needed to get ready if they were going to get some breakfast before catching their flight back to base, she was about to suggest they leave, when the door to the gym slammed shut. They both jumped away from the other in surprise, neither having heard it open in the first place.

When Maria turned to look at the offending party, she saw Jasper staring at her. His face was a mask as he said, "Don't you two have a plane to catch?"

Maria swallowed hard, but couldn't find her voice.

"Yes, we do," Steve replied, saving her the trouble.

He went to the other side of the room and grabbed up his towel and water bottle, then, walking to Maria, he put his hand on her back and walked her to the door. She could feel the heat rising to her face again and she knew she must be blushing. Sitwell let his mask fell and he gave her a look that asked if the rumors weren't indeed true. She shook her head slightly to indicate that, of course, they weren't. And he shook his head almost imperceptibly in return to tell her that he didn't believe her anymore.

"What was that all about?" Steve asked after they were clear of the gym.

Maria waited a moment before she replied, "It's complicated."

Steve just nodded, and, to Maria's relief, accepted her answer.


	3. Chapter 3

Two weeks had passed since Maria and Steve had returned to the rubble of New York. Through secure paths, Maria had informed Fury about Agent Stella Ward's unusual knowledge of their conversation. Fury had put Sitwell on her but apparently the story had been spread through the Hellicarrier almost immediately following Fury's conversation with Hill. Still, she was the one who'd caused a problem, so Jasper kept his eyes on her.

Maria was frustrated that her list of people she knew she could trust at SHIELD had fallen to an all-time low. She felt on edge, waiting for a move on Steve. The only moves, though, were from other women. The story of their relationship being more business-like than the rumors had insisted had made its way to base and the Captain America groupies within the ranks of SHIELD had come out of their closets in force.

Steve, ever the innocent, didn't even act flattered by the attention, but quietly rebuffed all the advancements. Maria, however, found herself unnaturally riled. While a lot of female agents suddenly, and inexplicably, found themselves with odd assignments such as guard duty in Liechtenstein.

Maria had Steve making subtle inquiries to get a feel for various agents' loyalties that she couldn't begin to make without the agents in question knowing they were being targeted. And she tried to make it look as if she was only overseeing some of the reconstruction activities that SHIELD was directly involved with.

After hours, though, she and Steve had become almost inseparable, which made it difficult for Maria to squelch her growing fondness of the super soldier. For her part, Maria could definitely say she was in uncharted territory. She'd never felt for anyone what she felt for Steve. It was confusing and caused her no end of grief. All her logical explanations seemed to dissipate each time he was near.

Steve made no advance toward her. He held the door for her, touched her arm or held her hand at appropriate times during conversations, but had not touched her while at SHIELD since the Hellicarrier. That was at least a relief for Maria, but it didn't change the growing feeling that she was getting in too deep, too quickly.

While Maria fretted over her growing feelings, Steve didn't seem to have any feelings toward her at all beyond friendship. Though it was painful to admit that her feelings weren't returned, it helped her to keep them under control so she could stay on top of the situation, whatever it might turn out to be.

They had a routine, both deciding that perhaps making an attack easy would smoke out the threat more quickly. Steve was living on base so each night after Maria was finally done with work, no matter what time of night, or early morning, the two of them got together and made it look as if Maria was truly helping Steve acclimate to modern life. Lessons about computers or work on flight simulation; on weekends she had decided she could fly him to different cities around the country to show him how things had changed. At least it got them away from the base for a while and, though Maria refused to admit it, away from the women who wouldn't take no for an answer from Steve.

And still there had been no attack, no threats. Maria was beginning to wonder if Fury wasn't just a little paranoid, when everything blew up in her face.

It was for acclimation purposes only, Maria told herself repeatedly, that the two of them were five miles off the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina to visit the world famous auto & motorcycle museum, Wheels Through Time. Maria was certain it gave her no gratification to see Steve's smile as he told her about the classics and was amazed by the advancement in technology through the years. The gentle hold he had on her hand as they kept up their chosen cover as a couple was not the reason she, herself, smiled. And the warmth she felt standing next to him was only due to the heat and humidity of the Carolina summer day. He didn't return these feelings so she couldn't have them. Maria had learned to bring this sort of thing into submission to her will and she would do so again.

So when he stopped her in front of a WW1 exhibit and took both her hands in his, she thought he was still playing the part. But when she looked up into his eyes, she was surprised to find her feelings reflected there. She suddenly found it difficult to breath and fumbled for a mental foothold to return her to her bearings.

"Maria," he said in a quiet voice.

She waited, wondering why she was anticipating his words. But as he opened his mouth to speak they both heard the tell-tale sound of metal hitting concrete and looked to see a small canister roll near them.

"Grenade!" Steve yelled then pushed her behind him and made to run toward it to take the blast.

Maria tried to yell at Steve that it was a flash grenade, while raising her hand in what she knew already to be a futile attempt to protect her eyes, but before he even took a step toward his destination, the grenade exploded with the flash and bang that earned it its nickname, and the last thing Maria saw before it claimed her vision was Steve falling as the impact on his ear drums wreaked havoc on his equilibrium.

Feeling for her gun, Maria tried to crawl in what she thought was his direction. Her finely trained instincts took over and easily fought off the panic a normal person would feel. Suddenly she felt herself lifted from the ground by rough hands, then she was being dragged across the floor as she fought against her captors and the effects of the flash grenade.

Maria hollered for Steve, but she doubted he could hear her. She hoped his super soldier enhancements would let him recover from the effects more quickly so he could fight off whomever had taken hold of him.

A brightness in her vision, as well as an increase in heat and humidity, told Maria she'd been taken outside. Still yelling for Steve, she felt herself picked up from the ground and thrown into something metal, a van or truck she suspected, before she was plunged into darkness. She kicked and screamed more as she struggled against the hands that held her down until she finally felt a sharp blow to her head and lost consciousness.

A dull throbbing in her head dragged Maria from the comfort of sleep. The more she returned to consciousness, the more intense the pain became. She dare not open her eyes for fear any light would make it even worse. More disconcerting than the pain was the fact that she couldn't remember where she was or how she got there.

A male voice calmly asked, "Does it hurt?"

She could tell she was lying on a bed so maybe she was in the infirmary and that was the doctor.

Without opening her eyes she answered, "Yes."

"Good," the voice said with equal calm and Maria's eyes shot open.

It increased the pain exponentially and Maria fought off the wave of nausea that threatened her in order to take in her surroundings.

There was a bright light overhead, making it difficult for her eyes to adjust. When they did, she saw it was just an ordinary ceiling light. The walls were white-painted brick, adding to the intensity the single bulb gave off. There were no windows and only one, white, steel door, in front of which stood a man dressed in jeans and a grey, hooded jacket, the hood of which was drawn to obscure his face.

"Where's Steve?" she demanded.

For once she didn't lie to herself about her concern being more than professional.

"Captain America?" her captor said in a tone that conveyed disinterest. "I suppose he's back on your base by now."

Maria was taken aback by this turn of events and knew her astonishment showed on her face before she could mask it.

"Oh," her captor started, mockery in his voice. "You thought we wanted him?"

He chuckled as if that was amusing, but Maria's mask held firmly in place despite her rising awareness of what this fact meant for her.

"Unless you have made the old man privy to Fury's secrets, we have no use for him," he finished.

Something in the way he said 'Fury' instead of her superior's full name, or instead of SHIELD, led Maria to believe that while Nick had been off on whom they wanted, he probably wasn't off on who wanted. She was certain she was in the hands of someone in the Council.

"You are a highly trained and experienced agent, Maria Hill," her captor continued. "I'm sure you know what happens now that you are awake."

She did indeed, and her blood ran cold, though she made sure not one hint of fear was evident on her face.

"What say we get started, then," he said, with far too much cheerfulness to his voice to make Maria think this would be anywhere near humane.

As if that was a cue, the door to her cell opened and another man, dressed exactly the same, walked in, pushing a medical tray in front of him. Maria knew that nothing on the tray had to do with her well-being, though.

She quickly prepared herself for what she knew was about to happen. As she put her mental defenses in place she was startled to find that the first thing her mind wanted to protect was everything she knew about Steve.

The torture ran on for several days, though Maria couldn't be exactly sure how many due to the nature of her cell. The questions they asked were mostly about Fury and very little about SHIELD, which only reinforced her belief that it was someone from the Council. They wanted to know things like locations of his safe houses, names of those most loyal to him, specific actions he had taken during certain operations, things that made Maria suspect she would spend her last days on earth here.

During the brief down times she would sleep and her dreams were of her friends. Only they weren't pleasant dreams. As Fury's second in command, Maria had found it necessary, though one of the most distasteful parts of her job, to watch video obtained during rescue missions of their agents. She'd seen video of people she cared for being tortured, and it always made her sick. These experiences all came out in her dreams now. Phil, Clint, Natasha, Jasper. She, trying to reach them, but always too late. Maybe it was her mind reminding her not to blame them for not coming to her rescue now.

She lay in the bed after the latest round of drugs and questions, trying to be grateful they'd broken no bones, but the drugs still coursing through her veins made her feel like her skin was on fire. Maria tried to keep her breathing even as if that would somehow help her control more than her reaction to the pain. She was in a weird state. She felt somewhere between sleep and waking, though she was positive she was fully awake. Her mind replaying past events as if somewhere in them she'd find the answer she needed. But that's what the drug was supposed to do, enhance her memory so she could "remember" things she wouldn't tell them.

Her mind was stuck on Natasha now, and everything she'd gone through when Clint was taken and turned. She tried to stop thinking about that, it was just an excuse for self-pity, which could make her slip some information. But all she could do was wonder if Steve was feeling the same. She suspected that if he was physically able, he'd be searching for her. But did he miss her the way Natasha had missed Clint.

Maria tried to focus, to get her mind off the spiral it was going down. She couldn't think about anything that made her emotional. Slowly, she pulled her mind back to her mantra and began to mumble.

"Delaware. Pennsylvania. New Jersey."

Some people memorized poems or scripture, but Coulson had told her to find something that could in no way be turned against her. So the States, in order of statehood, seemed a logical choice. And it was at least more interesting to her mind than reciting the times table.

She had reached Montana when she heard the door open. She continued mumbling, not even bothering to look at the person.

"Washington. Idaho."

"Look at me!"

It was the same voice she'd heard since she'd returned to consciousness, however many days ago that was. When she ignored him and continued her mantra, he grabbed her face harshly and turned it to him. He began to squeeze her jaw, which made it impossible to talk.

"You have someone here to see you."

That statement earned Maria's attention. And she watched as her captor backed away and a new man came into her line of vision. Unlike the others she'd seen, this man did not attempt to veil his face. She made a quick assessment as to height: short, maybe 5'7;" weight: 200-210; ethnicity: Middle Eastern or North African; dress: finely tailored black suit, silk tie, his button up shirt looked custom, he definitely had some money. His glasses reflected the overhead light so Maria couldn't see his eye color, but he had a receding hairline and his face was fairly recently shaved. This led her to believe that it was possibly morning. And figuring that out made her feel slightly better.

"Agent Hill," the man began in a heavily accented voice.

Maria didn't need to analyze the accent to tell he was from Egypt. She recognized the voice, Gohar Habib, a member of the Council. Unable to hide her reaction in her weakened state, her shock drew a cruel smile from the man.

"Very good," he said. "You recognize my voice."

Somewhere inside her head, a memory of a snarky comment of Hawkeye's started playing.

"Oh, great. Here comes the villain speech about how they bested us and there's no one to rescue us and all hope is lost and blah, blah, blah."

Maria couldn't help but smile and laugh slightly, though the act increased her pain.

"Going to play it out to the end, are we, Agent Hill?" He asked, misinterpreting her laughter.

"No matter," he continued. "You can try to resist but you must eventually succumb to our interrogation or death. "

Maria would have sobered at that statement if the man hadn't gone and ruined it by informing her, "No one knows where you are, there will be no one to save you."

She could almost see Clint roll his eyes, and she couldn't help another laugh.

Habib looked sternly at her. After a moment he turned to the man she usually dealt with.

"Have you given her the wrong drugs?"

As the other man answered to the negative, Maria laughed a little more.

"No matter," Habib said. "It will not affect our plans."

Now Maria had a clear picture of Hawkeye. They were young and Coulson had paired them up and sent them to Hunan Province in China. Someone had tipped off their mark and they ended up in a cell, complete with bars. The man had come to speak to them and started to tell them his "plan." Hawkeye's response was to curl his fists to his mouth in mock fear and scream, "No! Not the plan. We're done for now." It had frustrated Maria at the time as she thought they'd both be shot then and there. But they hadn't and had escaped later due to Hawkeye somehow wedging himself in the ceiling above the cell door and dropping onto the guards as they came to investigate his empty cot. Later, after he had insisted they take the long way out in order to retrieve his beloved bow and his quiver, he assured her he'd had it all under control from the moment they'd been taken.

Maria smiled at the memory, still as clear as the day it happened. How Hawkeye had lived through those early years, and how he'd managed to wedge himself above the door and hold that way for an hour, were the great mysteries Maria would never solve.

She slowly came out of her memory and found the two men speaking to each other.

"...is the way it works. She could go in and out at any time at this point," the hooded man said, then proceeded to explain how the last drug was to enhance memory and give her more vivid recollections.

Habib turned to her again.

"Well, do you remember anything?" He asked.

She could see the man behind him clench his fists in obvious frustration with his superior. It was just the sort of thing she could make use of if only she could pull her whole mind into the present.

As it was, she had moved to wondering if Jasper would be able to handle Clint and Natasha now that Coulson was gone and Jasper was in charge of them. Though he hid it very well, Maria knew the two assassins scared the crud out of her friend.

She could see him walking next to her in a hallway at SHIELD. They were discussing an incident report filed by a rookie about Clint and Natasha a little more than a year after Natasha's "recruitment."

"You can't blame the kid for being terrified," he told Maria. "They scare the crap out of me most of the time."

On cue, Hawkeye seemed to drop out of the sky right in front of them. They jumped, though Jasper jumped much higher and then backed away, right into Black Widow, who was wearing a rather terrifying face, if Maria had to admit.

"How's his pants, Nat?" Clint asked. "Smell anything funny?"

Romanoff rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't be crude, bird brain," she told him. "And don't call me Nat."

Clint laughed and sauntered up to Jasper.

"So," he said then smiled and raised his eyebrows. "We scare you?"

Jasper looked from Hawkeye to Black Widow, not sure who to fear imminent pain from. Maria glanced at Natasha and saw the assassin was leaning lazily against the wall, using one of her many knives to clean under her nails.

Maria shook her head.

"Barton, Romanoff, this is entirely inappropriate," she told them.

"I told you she used big words," Clint said, turning to his partner.

Without warning, Natasha let her knife fly. It landed a centimeter away from Jasper's ear.

She walked over, as if to retrieve it, instead leaning into Jasper's face.

"You tell that runt that if he ever makes a move on me again, he'll have nothing to use when he makes a move on the next woman."

She held Jasper's gaze for another few moments then pulled away, taking the knife with her.

"I like you," she told Jasper, whose color had already drained from his face, and the pale color was quickly being replaced with a green tinge. "Not many men can look me in the eye that long when I'm in this mood."

Clint was smiling as he watched his partner walk away, and, as Maria watched, she saw something glimmer there that she'd never seen before in the archer's eyes. As soon as he realized she was looking at him, though, his mask fell into place, and he followed after Natasha.

Had Clint been in love with her that long? Had Natasha returned the feelings? Had any man ever looked at her that way? Her mind wandered to the last time she saw Steve, the look in his eyes as he was about to tell her something.

Mentally shaking herself, she pulled her thoughts away from Rogers. Though upset with herself for allowing her mind to wander, She was thankful that nothing she'd thought of could be of any help to these people. If she could just keep away from thoughts that would.

The two men in the room were arguing, something about the drug not being in Maria's system long enough yet. Then Habib informed the head torturer that he'd had nearly a week and after this round he wanted Maria disposed of and they'd move on to the next portion of their plan.

With that they left and Maria attempted to get back to her Mantra, but when she got to New York, she saw an image of Steve. They were in Brooklyn, he was describing in detail what it looked like when he was younger, his haunts, friends. Their hands were joined and she found his smile contagious.

"I'd love to take you out to LA sometime and see where the Dodgers are now" he told her.

Immediately, the hard truth forced the memory to fade in the background. There would be no trip to LA, no baseball game, no more walks down memory lane with Steve. In probably less than 24 hours, Maria would be dead. She had faced imminent death before, usually it was over in a second or two, but the few times her fear had had time to linger, she had never had any regrets, never anyone she would be exponentially sorry to leave behind. Now she had both, and now she understood why some people cry when they die.


	4. Chapter 4

Maria was no longer sure the difference between her reality and her memories. The two flowed in and out of her mind fluidly with no discernible disconnect. One moment she was in her first sparring session with Black Widow and the next she was surrounded by the blinding glare of the reflection of light off the white walls of her cell, an angry voice demanding she access the memories it wanted. But Maria refused to give the voices what they demanded, and that was beginning to cause her pain.

The questioning had started after a day of sleep deprivation, at least It had seemed like an entire day to Maria. After several rounds of questions, they had decided to withhold fluids and food. Now, perhaps evident of their frustration, they had resorted to harsher physical torture than they had before. She had been beaten several times during her imprisonment, but the beatings now hit harder and dug deeper.

"Remember where Fury has hidden the Tesseract, and tell us."

She had already told them the Tesseract was no longer on earth but this was a question they hadn't given up on. She simply remained silent since her answer hadn't changed.

The man stepped away, and with a signal of his hand, another, much larger man, stood in front of her, pulled back his fist and slammed it into her face. Maria's entire body felt the effects as it was shaken by the force of impact.

She felt the interrogator return and waited for the next question.

"Maria," the voice was soft and filled with pain and emotion.

She looked up into concerned blue eyes and quickly closed her own. She couldn't think of him. She wouldn't betray him.

The other voice returned.

"Recall the locations of Fury's safe houses that you have been told about, and tell us."

Her mind began to drift to the information, nearly unstoppable by her own will. She saw Fury talking to her, explaining how he'd set up the houses and then she forced herself to think only on small bits of information because she realized she was going to talk now whether she wanted to or not.

"Fury disables all safe havens known to his captured agents," she informed them, her parched voice foreign to her own ears.

This was not the answer they wanted and the man with the fists was called over yet again. This time his fist connected with her abdomen and knocked the wind out of her.

"Maria," she heard Steve's voice again. "We're here. You're safe."

Her captors were messing with her head now. Maybe they thought a familiar voice would force her to talk. But she would never have given Steve the information they'd asked for. She laughed inside at their foolishness and she felt a painful smile break over her face.

This must have infuriated them because the next thing she knew a booted foot had made contact with her leg and she heard a crunching noise accompanied by what she knew must be her own scream, though the pain by that point was so great she was finding it hard to register much of anything.

"Shh, Maria, it's me. It's Steve."

She had to push him out of her head, she couldn't let them know what he meant to her, couldn't let them know she cared for him. They'd capture him, use him as a bargaining chip. She wasn't sure if, at this point, she could withstand the pressure of watching him tortured and still withhold the exact information they wanted.

Her interrogator was before her again, this time he had put his fist into the hair on her scalp and was pulling her head back. He jerked so hard she was sure he'd pulled chunks of hair out. She closed her eyes and waited for the next question.

Instead she felt a soft touch on her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open briefly and he was so close she could see small flecks of silver in his blue eyes. When she gasped for air she smelled him: aftershave, sweat, and gunpowder. If she could move her arm she could reach up to him and touch his face.

Slamming her eyes shut again, she swore to herself that she would never betray him. If only she could stop thinking of him.

She felt her body shift, removed from the chair she had been seated in; leaned against a solid chest; then cradled and lifted. She felt the sway as she was carried away, to where she had no idea. Then her mind recalled what was to happen at the end of this round of questioning and for a moment she thought she might cry. But, remembering how close she was coming to giving up Steve to her captors, she realized that if the questioning was over, if they were truly taking her out to dispose of her, there was no longer a chance she would. He would be safe, for now.

Relieved, she relaxed into the arms of whoever was carrying her. He shifted her weight and she gasped at the pain in her leg.

"I'm sorry," he said, but it was Steve's voice, gentle, but backed with strength.

Maria laughed internally at her one track mind. They were going to end this and wouldn't it be pleasant if her last thought was of him?

Her exhaustion finally overcame her pain and she fell asleep wondering if they'd just go ahead and kill her in her sleep or if they'd force her to be awake for it.

Maria wasn't sure the first thing she became aware of as she returned to consciousness, the pressure on her hand, or the beeping heart monitor. But after both of those was definitely the antiseptic hospital smell of SHIELD's infirmary. It was a smell she knew far too well.

She tried to open her eyes but the lights were too bright. She groaned and she heard a voice over the beeping noise.

"Maria," Steve's voice expressed relief.

And to Maria's relief he didn't ask that stupid question people ask patients when they wake up in a hospital.

"What do you need?" was all he asked.

"Lights," she forced out.

"I'll get them," he said, then she felt the pressure on her hand stop, only to return a moment later after the room had darkened.

Finally opening her eyes, she scanned the room quickly, then looked at Steve. His eyes were puffy and red from lack of sleep and Maria wondered how much sleep a super soldier had to miss to look this badly. The look of relief was hard to miss, as was another that caught her by surprise. She covered up the quickening of her pulse on the heart monitor by trying to move, an action only made less painful by the knowledge that she was saving face.

"Don't try to move yourself," he admonished gently. "I'll call a nurse."

He reached over to a box that was pinned next to her on the bed and pressed the call button.

While they waited for a reply, Steve watched her. He looked as if he wanted to say something and Maria waited. But just as he opened his mouth, a nurse breezed in.

"Good to see you awake, Agent Hill," the woman said as she walked toward her.

She stopped and checked some things on the monitors before picking up a thermometer and waving it toward Maria who dutifully opened her mouth. Glad for the distraction from wondering what Steve was about to say, Maria watched as the nurse wrapped the blood pressure cuff around her arm. When she'd finished recording Maria's vitals, the nurse told her the doctor would be coming soon.

"Can she sit up?" Steve asked, then seemed to waver in his presumption to speak for her. "Is that what you wanted earlier?"

Maria nodded her head slightly and even that made her feel as if her body could shatter.

"Rogers, you sit here on the edge of the bed and hold her up under her arms while I raise the bed and we'll try to make her a little more comfortable."

Maria was sure she saw Steve blush as he pulled her gently toward him. The nurse asked her about her pain level and if she thought she could use more morphine, to which Maria shook her head. She felt the nurse adjust some pillows behind her, then heard her tell Steve to lay her back down, which he did far more tenderly than any nurse she'd ever had in the infirmary.

As Steve slowly pulled away from her she stared into his eyes, touched by the compassion and concern she saw there. For a moment she lost herself and forgot the nurse until her parting words registered.

"Such a sweet couple."

Maria tried to swallow down her surprise but she started to cough instead. Steve reached for the water pitcher and cup on the hospital tray next to the bed. He poured a small amount and helped her hold the cup to her lips.

"Just small sips," he told her.

She nodded when she'd had enough and he set the cup back on the tray. He turned back and took her hand in his.

"Maria, I was so," he started, but they again heard the door of the room swing open. This time Director Fury walked in, accompanied by a doctor.

Steve stood and let go of her hand. As he stepped away from the bed to make room for the new visitors, Maria felt a pang of regret and no small amount of perturbance toward the visitors.

"You are a very strong woman, Agent Hill," the doctor began. "I am amazed that you are already awake, let alone sitting up and, um," he glance at Steve. "Conversing."

He ran down the list of her injuries, the most serious being a broken femur and a dislocated shoulder. Then he pressed the nurse call button to summon her nurse for an examination. When she arrived he asked Steve and Fury to step outside. Fury complied immediately, but Steve stepped over to her and again took up her hand.

"I'll just be right outside," he told her and she felt herself nod.

As he left the nurse commented, "Well, that was easier than the first time."

Maria looked questioningly at her.

"Ever try to get a super soldier to do something he doesn't want?"

Maria just shook her head, partly to tell her no and partly because she honestly had no idea what the woman was talking about.

"We had to have the captain forcibly removed from the emergency room when you were brought in," the doctor explained.

The nurse coughed.

"Um, twice," the doctor amended.

"I thought he was going to tear the place apart when the doctor set your shoulder," the nurse said with a light laugh.

"Why?" Maria finally managed to croak.

"Well, you screamed, and he just about lost it," she smiled.

"At least he's easier to reason with than Barton," the doctor commented as he continued her exam, shining the little light into her eyes.

At the mention of Clint, the puzzling conversation began to make sense. Coupled with the nurse's earlier comment, Maria realized that these people actually thought she and Steve sere a couple.

"We're just friends," she told them and watched as they glanced at each other, obviously not believing her.

"Sure you are," the nurse said.

Maria gave her a look that normally set most of the medical staff on edge. But it brought nothing but a laugh this time.

"OK, maybe you think you're just friends," the nurse smiled. "But I can assure you his feelings have passed that level and moved on to the next."

"No," Maria started to argue but just then the doctor pressed against her bruised sternum and she gasped aloud.

There was a light tap on the door before it partially opened and Steve's voice came through the opening.

"Everything alright in there?"

The nurse winked at Maria while the doctor replied, "Just hunky-dory, Captain."

Then the door shut again and Maria remained silent throughout the rest of the exam, her thoughts swirling through her head.

Her logical side quickly jumped to the forefront: Steve was just worried about her. She remembered her days in the field and how she sometimes was concerned about a wounded comrade in arms.

But another side, one relatively foreign to her, just as quickly reminded her that she had never needed to be restrained in the infirmary. That really was something Barton did, and only for Natasha.

The doctor finished the exam and called Steve and Fury back in.

"Your shoulder and bruises are healing nicely," he told her, and the others. "You'll need to wear a sling for about another week. And, of course, your cast will be at least two to three months."

Maria would normally have had some pointless comment against the length, but she was too busy watching Steve who was staring intently at the doctor as if the man was giving some important mission information.

"When will she be able to go home?" He asked the doctor.

"Within the week is the best I can hope for," the doctor answered.

Turning to Maria, he added ,"You are still very dehydrated, and I'd like you to be able to hold down solids before I release you."

Steve nodded, then turned to Maria and smiled. She hoped her face didn't appear like she felt, a silly schoolgirl whose crush had just made eye contact. What was wrong with her?

When the doctor nodded and left, Fury turned to finally speak.

"Good to see you're doing well," he said, with emphasis, which was about as emotional as he ever acted when he was honest.

"We were able to capture Habib and get him to tell us your location," he explained briefly, knowing she would read the report on her own.

"How did you know it was him?" Maria asked.

Fury gave a slight snort indicating his disgust.

"One of his partners on the Council ratted him out," Fury told her.

A slight shift in Steve's posture and demeanor drew her attention to him and she gave him a questioning look. But he just stared back as if he'd done nothing out of the ordinary.

Fury cleared his throat and they both turned to him.

"Well, I'm sure Captain Rogers can fill you in on all the details," he said, then he nodded at her and turned and walked from the room.

"A man of few words," Steve commented, as he returned to the chair next to her bed and took up her hand.

"He hates it when his people are in here," Maria told him.

"Guess that why he's the Director and not the chaplain," Steve joked.

Maria would have laughed if she hadn't known how much pain that would cause.

"Yeah, no one with a dislike for hospitals should ever go into ministry," she replied, then they fell silent.

She suddenly began to feel tired from just her minimal activity since she'd awoken and her eyes began to droop.

She wanted to ask Steve what he'd been about to say earlier but exhaustion and fear both held her back. Could he truly have feelings for her? If so, what would that mean for the two of them? Neither had exactly a normal life.

She felt Steve lean forward and touch her forehead with his fingers. He brushed her hair away from her face and Maria found herself wondering something she didn't usually wonder when injured: How did she look right now?

"I'm so glad you're OK," he said, his voice soft but cracking with emotion.

He cleared his throat and continued.

"I was so scared we wouldn't find you in time," his eyes took on a shine as moisture filled them and Maria squeezed his hand to assure him, having no strength left for words.

He smiled at the gesture. As Steve leaned back in his chair, Maria found herself missing his hand on her face.

"You should sleep," he told her, and slowly he began to rub the back of her hand.

Maria closed her eyes and drifted off, the feel of Steve's hand in hers the last thing to leave her conscious mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next days, Steve was a constant presence. The hospital staff thought it sweet, Maria's co-workers thought it strange, and Maria thought there was far too much guilt behind it. When Sitwell came to visit two days after she woke, his relating of the story behind her rescue, the first time Maria had heard any of it, only served to confirm her suspicions. Rogers' actions at Sitwell's visit did as well. It was the only time he left her side without being asked.

Maria had tried to be attentive as her friend explained how Habib's co-conspirator had been discovered, and how she had easily given up Habib after just a few "private moments" with Captain America. She listened as her old friend gave her blow by blow descriptions of the assault on the compound where Maria had been held. But for the most part, her mind was on Steve, and trying to figure out how to get him to talk to her about what had happened. Inwardly, she smiled at the image of a shocked Phil Coulson if he'd been around to hear her say that.

Finally, Sitwell's account made her sit up and take notice.

"So, he had his hand around the guy's throat and he just picks him up like he doesn't weigh a thing," Jasper was telling her with great relish. "Then the guy goes limp and Rogers just throws him aside. I thought for sure he'd broken the dude's neck."

Maria felt herself go pale, confirmed by Sitwell pausing in his story telling.

"Are you OK?" he asked. "I can come back if you need to rest."

Maria only shook her head.

"You sure you want to hear the rest?"

She nodded, and he continued.

"When we met a good pocket of resistance in the next corridor, Steve was sure you were there. They were firing like crazy at us, but he just used that shield of his and plowed through them, knocking aside bodies like they were pinecone pins," Jasper used his arms to mimic Steve's actions, but his face was far more excited than she expected Steve's had been.

"He came to this steel door, the one which, in fact, you were behind, and he just kicks it down," Jasper said with more than a little awe in his voice. "I know he's strong and all, but I didn't know he could take down a door like that in one blow. Knocked it right off the hinges.

"Anyway, there was this guy in there standing over you with an empty syringe in his hand and the idiot tells Rogers that it's too late, you're already dead," Sitwell said, but then his demeanor sobered and he gave a slight shudder, as if he couldn't control it.

Maria stared at Sitwell, waiting for him to go on, but it appeared he had to compose himself first, and Maria, hardened agent though she was, began to wonder if she wanted to hear what happened next. But she sat in silence and watched Jasper as he stared at a point in the corner of the room. After a few moments, he spoke again, but now with less relish and awe.

"I've never seen anything like it," Jasper continued in a hushed voice, still staring at that distant point. "It was what I expect something like the Hulk to do."

Maria worked hard to control her reaction so as to not discourage Jasper from going on with his story.

Finally, he seemed to shake himself out of his reverie and he turned to look at Maria, a questioning look in his eyes, as if he didn't understand what he had seen that day.

"Rogers picked the man up and threw him across the room like he had the others, but this was," he paused again.

"This was much worse. He threw him so hard that the guy," another, longer, pause.

Finally, Jasper took a deep breath and forced the information out of his mouth.

"He hit the wall so hard he was half crushed by the blow," he said, and shuddered again.

"I don't think Rogers even noticed what he'd done," Jasper continued, his voice slowly returning to normal. "He just knelt down and checked your pulse. He told me you were alive and to make sure medical was ready for you. I told him he should wait for them to come for you, but he didn't think they'd be able to get to you quickly enough.

"You should have seen him," he smiled at her. "It was like he was a totally different person. One second he's smashing people into walls, the next he's down on his knees talking to you gently."

Jasper got a faraway look on his face, and Maria would have called him out as a pathetic romantic if she hadn't been so disturbed by the rest of the story.

Finally he turned back to her and winked, a mischievous grin across his face.

"No way you're gonna be able to deny there's something going on between you two now."

She wanted to roll her eyes, but he was right. Instead she turned and looked at the door, wondering if Steve was just outside, or would he avoid her now that she knew what had happened.

"Don't worry," Jasper interrupted her thoughts. "I doubt he's gone far."

To prove it, Sitwell went to the door and opened it to reveal Steve standing across the hallway. To Jasper, Maria was sure, Steve only looked as if he was waiting, but Maria saw that the fear and regret she had noted in his eyes the previous two days had grown.

Sitwell turned around and admonished her to get better so he wouldn't have to keep doing her job, then he stood holding the door until Steve made his way slowly, almost hesitantly, across the hall and back into her room.

Steve let the door shut just behind him, but he didn't step any further into the room. His pain was obvious now and Maria wondered, not for the first time in the last two months, how she could help him work through it.

"He told you," it was a statement, not a question.

Maria nodded.

She watched as Steve swallowed hard then ran a hand through his hair.

He stared hard at her, his look pleading, and said, "I'm sorry."

Maria smiled softly at him. Only Captain America would apologize about the lengths he went to in order to save someone.

When Steve didn't move from his spot next to the door, Maria realized he was actually waiting for an invitation, as if what he had done would irrevocably ruin their friendship.

She held out her hand to invite him back to her side and he slowly walked over and took it. He sat on the side of her bed and she listened as he poured out his confession to her.

"Maria," he said, and paused briefly before he plunged ahead. "The things I did were so horrible. I had no idea I was even capable of them."

He shook his head, obviously disgusted at his actions.

"I didn't even care who got hurt," he continued, then looked at her meaningfully. "All I could think about was getting to you. I knew they were torturing you, we had that much information."

He stopped again to fight down his emotions, but Maria saw that she was losing him and she reached a hand up to touch his face.

"Steve," she said, turning his face to look at her again. "That man in the room with me, he had tortured people before, and he would have again."

"It doesn't make what I did right," Steve replied forcefully, but Maria knew it was a self-admonition and not directed toward her.

"Maybe, maybe not," she said. "There are sometimes grey areas in ops like this. We don't always make what we think to be the right decision in the heat of the moment."

Steve shook his head, refusing her consolation, "I can't make myself judge, jury, and executioner simply because I have the power to do so."

"You didn't," she rebuked gently. "It was a battle. Things happen in battles that wouldn't happen normally. We take actions we wouldn't take normally. You know this."

He opened his mouth to make a rebuttal but Maria quickly put her hand up to his lips to stop him. The resulting breath against her fingers gave Maria an unusual sensation as a warmth spread through her and somewhere, deep inside, her feelings for the super soldier finally fell into place and, to her surprise, it wasn't nearly as terrifying as she'd thought it would be. It was warm, and pleasant, and almost peaceful, and she smiled up at him with a smile she'd never given to anyone else. She was pleased when she saw in his eyes that her actions had calmed him. She slowly lowered her hand and he took it up in his and she turned her eyes to their joined hands.

"I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you," he said in a hushed voice that only served to intensify this new feeling.

She realized that she should be upset for allowing this to take over but she was enjoying herself far too much to care. Was love really so stupid sometimes? Inside, she laughed as she thought about what she'd just acknowledged. It was love she felt for Steve and she couldn't deny it to herself anymore. He was so different from any man she'd ever known. And she felt so different around him, more human, and that was too nice to deny.

"You've been such a good friend to me," Steve continued, then stopped.

Maria swallowed and suddenly found herself hoping he'd say more, say that he wanted more, but as the silence wore on she realized there wasn't anything else he wanted to tell her. As the realization hit her, Maria fought for control. Then, for the first time since his return to SHIELD two months ago, she looked up at him with her mask firmly in place. She couldn't let him see how disappointed she was, how much it hurt to learn that he only viewed her as a friend. So she smiled at his comment and he smiled back, a relieved look in his eyes.

There was a rap on the door, then the nurse breezed in to check her vitals and make a comment about how well Maria was doing and how maybe she could go home sooner than they'd expected. The words barely registered with her though.

The rest of the day Maria spent mentally reasoning about her "relationship" with Steve. She worked hard to convince herself that she could be "just friends" with him without it hurting. Or, maybe he would feel the same for her some day, she just had to be patient.

The thing that frustrated her the most was the only person she had to talk with about it was Steve. She had become accustomed to talking to him about everything, and now that she actually needed a friend's advice, he was the one person she couldn't go to.

For his part, Steve was as attentive as ever. This only served to confuse Maria even more. She'd known Jasper Sitwell the better part of her career at SHIELD and he'd only visited her the once. If Phil had still been alive, she wouldn't have expected his constant presence. She'd known Steve less than three months and he was always there, anticipating her needs, at times before she was aware she had them, sleeping in the chair next to her bed and waking suddenly if she so much as let out a sigh. What kind of friend did that?

Mercifully, on the morning of the next day, the doctor walked in and declared her fit enough to leave, if someone could take her home. Steve immediately volunteered and called for a SHIELD vehicle and driver to pick them up as soon as all the paperwork was done. Maria just hoped he didn't plan on sitting at her bedside once she was back in her apartment. She needed a little time away from him, at least to work through the confusion his mixed words and actions were giving her.

At some point Steve had asked Jasper to retrieve some clothes from Maria's locker at SHIELD. The nurse who came in to help her dress cut the leg of the pants up to the upper thigh to accommodate the cast and Maria regretted not having a skirt to wear instead. When Steve saw her he blushed and made a comment that maybe he could get Fury to loan her one of his coats so the whole world wouldn't see her. She settled for a hospital blanket instead and then sat down in the wheelchair to be taken to the waiting van.

They drove in silence in the back seat. The middle seats had been folded into the floor of the van to afford Maria room to stretch out her casted leg. Steve did not hold her hand in front of the SHIELD agent who was driving and Maria tried to soothe the pain of that loss of contact with the fact that it was better to get used to it. Friends couldn't go on touching each other the way the two of them had without it starting to mean more to one of them, and it definitely had started to mean more to Maria.

Steve helped her from the car, then took a small plastic draw string bag that held her few belongings from the hospital. He told the driver he'd find another way back to base later but wanted to help Maria settle in. She couldn't look at the driver lest he give either of them a look that intimated more than friendship between her and Steve.

The short ride up in the elevator was deafeningly silent to Maria. She just wanted today to be over, she wanted to lay, as best she could, in her own bed, and try to squelch the feelings she had for the man next to her.

Steve had other ideas, though. When they entered her apartment, he informed her that he'd had Jasper restock her kitchen and, after getting her settled on the couch, using her small coffee table and a pillow to rest her leg, proceeded to ask her what she'd like him to make her for lunch.

She told him she wasn't really hungry, just a little tired, and hoped that would be encouragement enough for him to leave, but he sat next to her on the couch and reached for her hand. Maria tried to ignore the thought that this meant more to her than him and allow herself to relax.

After a short time, Steve broke the silence.

"Jasper's a nice guy," Steve said, though something in his voice made Maria look at him.

She found him staring at her with an unexpected intensity, and she nodded slowly, wondering what Steve was thinking.

"You know, Fury told me he threatened to leave his post if he wasn't a part of the search and recovery team," Steve went on, but stopped and looked as if he didn't want to say what he was thinking.

Finally he breathed out, "He really cares for you."

Maria stared at Steve. It was obvious he was trying to cover his pain at this admission.

"I don't understand what you're saying," Maria finally told him.

Steve turned away and looked at the wall in front of them. He appeared to be gathering his thoughts, and Maria couldn't even begin to imagine what this conversation was about, so she waited.

Shortly, he let her hand slip from his and stood to pace in the small space between the living room and kitchenette.

"I know you've known him a long time, far longer than you've known me," he said as she watched him like a ball at a tennis match. "And I know I don't understand how these things are supposed to work nowadays. I don't think I even understood back when."

He paused in his thought, but not in his pacing. Finally Maria couldn't take the movement.

"Steve, please," she said. "At least stop pacing, you're making me dizzy."

He acquiesced and stood looking at her as if he was about to beg her for something. Maria was too tired to figure out what was running through his head and leaned herself back into the couch.

"Before, with Peggy," Steve finally continued. "I waited so long to tell her how I felt. I was afraid she was so far out of my league, but I thought she was to most beautiful, courageous woman I'd ever known."

Maria smiled up at him as he talked of his old love. This was familiar territory for her, hearing about his past, and it seemed like safer ground than where her thoughts desired to go.

"I was so foolish to waste all that time," he told her. "I honestly don't even know exactly what she felt for me, we never had a chance to find out."

He returned to the couch now, and sat next to Maria. With one arm on the back of the couch and his leg folded to the side on the cushion, Maria thought he looked as if he was in earnest. She couldn't figure out, though, what could be so much more important about this story than the others.

"I can see that there is something between you and Jasper."

Maria's eyes went wide.

"I know you're probably trying to keep it under wraps, maybe thinking Fury won't let you two work together anymore."

Maria opened her mouth to tell Steve that she thought he must have lost his mind but he stopped her.

"No," he said quickly. "Let me finish what I need to say or I won't be able to. I'm just not usually this brave."

At this point Maria felt as if she was mentally being bounced around on a trampoline. What had ever given Steve the idea that she and Jasper were involved? She would be more likely to shoot Jasper than kiss him.

"Perhaps because of this need to hide things, Jasper wasn't there for you in the hospital like he should have been," Steve went on, and now Maria sat back in the couch again with a bemused look on her face. This really was becoming too funny.

Her look must have unsettled Steve because he paused and cleared his throat before standing and returning to his pacing.

This time Maria rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Like I said," Steve told her, now getting his hands involved in his monologue. "I don't understand these things but I do think that if he really, truly cared for you as much as."

He stopped his words and pacing midsentence, and Maria could see his hands were beginning to shake and his breathing had increased. She wished he would get to his point before he started hyperventilating. What was the man thinking?

Suddenly, he turned to her and what he told her was almost as shocking as the moment she learned some demi-god from Asgard had been visiting the planet.

"You deserve better than one visit after such a traumatic event. You deserve better than a man who claims he has feelings for you but lurks in the shadows for the sake of his career. And I will prove it to you, if you will give me a chance," Steve declared and paused, taking a deep breath before he finished. "I love you, Maria Hill. And I can give you far better than what Jasper gives you."

He stopped and Maria realized he had lobbed the ball into her court, so to speak. She opened her mouth to reply, but the only thing that would come out was laughter. Even seeing Steve falter in his courage couldn't stop her. She shook her head as she laughed and motioned for him to sit down next to her. He didn't refuse, but Maria could tell he was unsure now, where he stood with her.

She took his hand in hers, looked up at him and asked through her laughter, "Whatever gave you the idea that Jasper and I were lovers?"

"Uh, well," Steve hesitated. "On the hellicarrier, you two had that silent communication thing. And, well, when I heard how serious Jasper was about finding you..."

His voice drifted off and he looked at her dumbfounded.

"Oh, my gosh, Steve," Maria tried to bring her laughter under control. "There has never been anything between Sitwell and myself. As for what you observed, we are just very good, very old friends; well, old at least by SHIELD's standards."

Maria watched as Steve's face slowly turned a crimson blush. She felt his hand grow warm in hers and could tell he was more than a little embarrassed with himself for his bravado. Before she could assure him, he pulled his hand from hers and stood.

"Oh, well, then," he stopped to clear his throat. "I, um, uh."

Maria quirked her eyebrow.

"Does that change your feelings?" she asked, teasing.

"No," he responded quickly. "No, it's just, well, I shouldn't' have...this just probably isn't...I should have waited."

Maria gave him a disbelieving look.

"I thought that was your regret with Peggy," she admonished lightly.

He looked down at her and she could see his hesitancy.

"I didn't want to tell you like this," he said. "It should have been different, not so hot-headed and, how do you say nowadays, Neanderthal."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets ostensibly to give them something to do, and he shyly looked at her. It was then she realized she had to do more to encourage him.

She opened her mouth to tell him she returned his feelings when an alarm on his watch began to beep.

He glanced at it quickly and informed her it was time for her painkillers. Digging through the bag as he made his way over to the kitchen sink, he pulled out the correct bottle, then proceeded to get a cup from her shelf and fill it with water from the tap. She didn't have the heart to remind him about bottled water, he was so flustered by the turn of events that she thought it was probably amazing he filled the cup with the water and not olive oil.

As she watched him bring the water and pill to her she couldn't help but feel incredibly relieved. She hadn't known just how much stress it had caused her believing he wanted nothing more than friendship. Maria dutifully took the pill and swallowed it down with the tepid tap water, then stifled a yawn as she handed the cup back to him.

"I should let you sleep," he said, and returned the cup to the sink.

He washed it out and set it in the drain before turning back to her.

"Why don't I help you into bed," he started, but then his face turned pink. "I, uh, mean, you know, just help you get comfortable in your bed."

Maria watched and she knew her face showed her mirth, but she couldn't help it. Steve's reaction was so sweet, so human, so Steve, that she couldn't help but smile in amusement.

"You should go get some rest of your own," she admonished him and started to try to get up.

He quickly grabbed her crutches.

"You should really only use these sparingly while your shoulder is healing," he reminded her as he helped her stand and put them under her shoulders.

"It's almost healed," she said and looked up at him.

She felt her face flush as his proximity stirred her emotions. He was so close that she could see in his eyes how deeply it was affecting him, and thought that if she wasn't hindered by the cast and the crutches and her shoulder, she would reach up and kiss him to show him what she felt.

Instead, he slowly backed away then walked the short distance to her door. She followed behind and as he opened it he turned.

"Call me if you need me for anything," he said, but then he blushed again and Maria couldn't help but tease him.

"If you keep doing that, your face is going to permanently turn pink."

That only served to make him turn a deeper shade of crimson.

Finally he told her, "I was really out of line. Can you forgive me?"

She looked at him in mock surprise.

"You want me to forgive you for you telling me that you are in love with me?"

"No," he said. "I mean, yes. I mean, oh, I have no idea anymore."

He looked so pathetic that Maria laughed quietly and raised her hand to his face.

"It's ok," she said softly.

She wanted to tell him she returned his feelings but the words stuck in her throat. It was then she realized she'd never said them to anyone before, not with any measure of truth behind them. And then the reality of their situation came to the forefront of her mind as her practical side made one last ditch effort to stave off any potential for heartache. They really couldn't be more than friends. Their work, their lives, they were chaotic, dangerous. They could never know what tomorrow held, let alone what could happen far into the future. What had she been thinking, trying to encourage Steve in these feelings?

Before she could physically do anything about it, like pull away, she realized that now Steve's hand was on her face as well and that he was slowly leaning closer to her. And, most surprising of all, she was anticipating the moment his lips met hers.

When they did, Maria could honestly say it was unlike any other kiss. Most men had always been gruff and intrusive, seeking to stake a claim on her as if she was theirs to be owned. Steve gently brushed his lips against hers as though he was asking her permission, and she gladly, but gently, gave it to him. His kiss was slow and soft and so full of meaning that Maria wasn't sure if she was ready to handle the emotions. Still, she felt a deep regret when he slowly pulled away from her.

They stood in the doorway, heads together, both trying to catch their breath as if they had just run up the five flights of stairs to her apartment.

Finally Maria looked up at him.

"I was thinking about Peggy," she informed him.

That earned her a surprised look.

"So, you like strong women?"

He smiled when he understood what she was getting at, but, to Maria's surprise, he shook his head.

"Oh," it was her turn to be flustered. "I, well, I thought."

But then he was laughing at her and leaned back into her and placed his lips on her forehead.

"I love strong women," she felt him, as well as heard him, say.


End file.
